Evicted from the USA

Getting evicted out of any place is never easy, especially when that place is a whole country! The tale for today is my departure from the United States after not getting selected in the work visa lottery. Rafa, our guest for this episode, shares her own eviction story due to the same situation two years ago, and how that unexpectedly landed her in her dream city: London. This is a story about letting go of control, embracing uncertainty, and learning that rejections are redirections.

Rafa was the first friend I made in college, and she has stuck by me throughout the last 7 years. She is from Ecuador, is about to turn 25, and up until recently worked as a senior investment analyst. Her story has been a source of inspiration to me, and it gives me faith that everything will turn out ok. 

Key Takeaways:

• Receiving the news of the work visa lottery result can be a mix of relief and sadness, as it confirms the end of one chapter but also opens up new possibilities.
• Having a support system and friends who understand the situation can make a big difference in navigating the emotions and challenges of the work visa lottery. 
• Moving to a new country involves a multitude of challenges, including finding new friends, adjusting to a different culture, and navigating the logistics of relocation.
• Letting go of a previous life and starting anew can be difficult, but it can also lead to personal transformation and the discovery of new passions and interests.
• Resilience and the ability to adapt to unexpected circumstances are crucial in navigating the challenges of life changes.
• Embracing uncertainty and being open to new experiences can lead to unexpected and fulfilling outcomes.

Transcript

Lucy Herrero
Hello everyone, welcome to the Life Rough Draft Podcast. Thank you so much for joining and for listening. I am so excited that you're here!

This episode will be the last to cover some of my most pivotal moments in the last year or so, before moving on to more recent events and hopefully to more exciting topics. Today, we'll be talking about my departure from the United States, which has been a huge transition for me. But in general, I want to touch on the themes of life transitions in our 20s, especially when it comes to situations we can't control, and of rejections as redirections.

Like I've mentioned in previous episodes, after I graduated from college, I worked for three years under my OPT work authorization in the United States. In case you don't know anything about US visas or US student visas, I'm going to give you some context. If you graduate with a bachelor of arts, you're going to get one year of OPT after graduation.

And if you graduate with a Bachelor of Science or a STEM degree, you get three years of OPT after graduation. So you can work anywhere related to your area of study under your OPT for that period of time. And if you want to work longer, you have to get sponsored for the work visa by your employer. However, first you must get selected in the H1B or work visa lottery. And without getting selected in this lottery, your employer cannot sponsor you and your time in the United States has an expiration date. So this is what happened to me. For three years while I was working at my employer, I was entered in the lottery and I was never selected.

For those three years, I clearly knew that this was the most likely option.

The odds are really horrible in this lottery. Approximately only 8 % of people who enter the lottery get selected. And there are hundreds of thousands of people that apply to this lottery every year. And I was not part of that 8%, none of the three times. And even though I knew this was the most likely option, no amount of math could have prepared me for the pain of knowing that I had not been selected.

Lucy Herrero
Today we have another amazing guest joining the podcast. Rafa was the first friend I made in college, right during international student orientation. For the better or worse, she has been one of my best friends since that first day almost seven years ago. Rafa is from Ecuador. She is about to turn 25 and she studied economics. Up until recently, she was working as a senior investment analyst.

Rafa went through the same situation with the work visa lottery as me two years ago and her story gives me so much faith that everything will turn out okay.

She was actually there with me when I received the news and she has been a huge source of inspiration and support. I really hope you enjoy this conversation.

Hey Rafa, thank you for being here.

Rafaela
Hi, thanks! I'm so excited for this! I was really excited to do this episode.

Lucy Herrero
So I have a couple questions for you. There's a lot that we have to cover today. So first I want to know what your life was like before you received the news of the work visa lottery.

Rafaela
Well, I at the moment was living what in my definition back then was my best life. I had a great job. I was friends with my roommate. It was the first time I was independent. I lived in Charleston, South Carolina. I loved that city. I went to the beach every weekend. I had drinks with friends. So for me, it was what perfection was like when I was 21 and 22.

And yeah, I absolutely loved it. I thought that was going to be my life for the foreseeable future.

Also, besides living my best life back then, I was so stressed with the idea that it was going to end. So I think that for those first seven months that I was there meeting people, enjoying my friends, I had this kind of limit that I couldn't enjoy it too much. Because if I did, if I had to leave, I was going to be absolutely miserable and I was never going to get over it. So it was a combination of I love my life. This is amazing. I want this to be forever and also I cannot enjoy it too much because if I do I'm gonna be hurt in the long run and saying goodbye is gonna be horrible and I'm just gonna be miserable. So it was really hard to find a balance and unfortunately I do not think I found the balance. I think I ended up being more on the I cannot enjoy this too much. I have to block everything and everyone and I have to just curl up, be in my room, ignore people, not go to the office, work remotely as much as I can, try to not have that many friends or get away from my friends, which I did. I got away from so many of my friends. I broke off so many things. I did things that I am not proud of just to get away from people. 

And I think that was a coping mechanism of if I push everyone away right now before I leave, then leaving is going to be easier if that's the case. And if that's not the case that I have to leave, then fine, I can just make those friendships again. So I think it was really hard, especially leading to when I was going to get the news, when I had absolutely no control of my emotions and absolutely no control of anything that was happening. And obviously it was also what is going to happen if I leave?

Where am I going to go?

My thought process was my career is destroyed. My life is destroyed. Everything that I've worked for, my four years of college and in this company, it's going to go to crap. I have no future. I have no life after this. It's gone. It's taken away from me. But I was lucky enough that I had conversations with my company beforehand that if it was going to be the case of me leaving, I was going to have the possibility to move to Canada.

So I started working with a team in Canada. I got to know the team. I started the visa process there as a just in case kind of situation and that was moving along. So at the same time, I was like, okay, well, mean, worst comes to worst I'll go to Canada. I have friends that live in Vancouver. I'll be happy. It's fine. But at the same time, it just felt like everything was taken away from me because I didn't want to go to Canada. That's not where my life was. My life was in Charleston, South Carolina and I didn't want to leave it. So it was pretty hard time, I'd say, outside of all the bliss and joy of a newly grad who had a job.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah, absolutely. Because you had only one year of work after you graduated, right?

It's really hard to like enjoy the life that you're building, enjoying all the money that you're getting now as a working person, no longer a poor college student. And you can't even enjoy it because you know, you have an expiration date if this lottery doesn't come through.

And you're just like, hoping for the best, expecting the worst. Like, it's, it's hard because you can't really see beyond that year. You have no control over the situation. So you can't really like enjoy the life that you're trying to build knowing that it might be taken away from you so fast.

Rafaela
Yeah, yeah, and I think at the time I was, I was very naive in the sense that everything before that, I always felt like I was a hundred percent in control of every situation. I was in control of applying to college. I was in control of my classes, my extracurriculars, everything. I was in control of everything. And I think I was very much a control freak.

Very, very much control freak and I needed to have control of absolutely everything and everyone that was happening. And I think that was the first time in my life where I felt like I had no control. So I was having meltdown after meltdown every single week about something different. I cried to you multiple times online and in person. And the same happened with all of my close friends. I think they all saw me crying more than they had...

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah, I remember. Yes.

Rafaela
...ever seen anyone cry before just because I had absolutely no control and I had no coping mechanisms. I didn't know how to cope with not having control of anything. So it was really hard. I don't think anyone prepared me for it and I don't think anyone's really prepared for something like that, especially if you're a control freak.

Lucy Herrero 
No, because like, you know, it's coming, right? Like we go through these four years of university, understanding the rules as international students, but living it is completely different.

Rafaela 
Yeah, it's the kind of thing you're like, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll deal with it in a year. Whatever. I'll deal with it in a year. It's fine. No, I'll deal with it in a year. And then it comes and you realize you're actually not ready to deal with it. And you were indeed not wanting to deal with it. So it's like you have that mental box in your brain to which you put all the things that you can postpone and you put it in there and you put it in there. And then at the end of there is like Pandora's box that just decides to open up and ruin your life.

That's kind of how felt when the moment came.

Lucy Herrero
No, I totally get it. For me, I was actually in such a good moment in my life, I think. I mean, the last couple episodes, I talked about a lot of the hard things I went through back in like 2022, beginning of 2023. And then I think life was really looking up for me. You know, I had all these amazing friends. I was living in downtown Durham, so I was having a great time. I actually started dating someone back in October of 2023. And I had gotten promoted, it was like a huge promotion for me in January. And then all of a sudden, it was...

All this stuff could be taken away from you come April, with the decision of the lottery. But it's just like, like I said, it's so hard to think about your life beyond, like April of that year,last chance that you have in the lottery because you don't know what's going to happen afterwards. You don't, it's not like you have a five year plan. You can't even make a five year plan like most normal people know you really can't. So I was like enjoying all these things that were finally going so well in my life. I had an amazing partner, I had a promotion, things were looking up at work.

We were super, super busy with important deadlines coming up, but I was finally feeling like, yeah, I know exactly what I'm doing. You know, I was actually enjoying work a little bit, even though like deep inside I knew I didn't want to stay there for a long time. Like this wasn't going to fulfill me in the long run. And I think I was looking forward to staying in North Carolina even though I was kind of scared that if I did, if life didn't force me out of there, eventually it would in a worst situation or in a worse way. So yeah, I think leading up to the news, I was just like really nervous. I was so stressed out with work too because I said we had super important deadlines, not just me, but everybody in the company.

And I was working a lot of overtime, a lot of weekends, just exhausted, absolutely exhausted and terrified for what was coming. And I think that anticipation of not knowing what the answer is, is a lot worse than actually knowing the answer and not be the answer that you wanted. Yeah. Cause at least when you have an answer...

Rafaela
I agree.

Yep, I completely agree.

Lucy Herrero
...Yeah, when you have an answer, you can actually start doing something about your life. But those were just like months of being like, okay, this is not future Lucy's problem anymore. This is present Lucy's problem. It is happening.

Rafaela 
Yeah, it's like you can't plan your life past the deadline. It's literally like having an expiration date. You expire on a certain date and then you cannot plan anything. I remember back in the date, my current roommate was planning on where she wanted to live the next year and she wanted to live with me. And I was like, I am no person before April 1st. I will not know where I'm going to be. I cannot make a single plan.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah.

Rafaela 
I cannot buy tickets to this concert. cannot tell you I'm going to be at your birthday. I cannot commit to absolutely anything after April 1st. So it was literally like my expiration date is April 1st. After that, we'll know if I will still be here or...

Lucy Herrero
Yeah. Yeah.

Rafaela
...and like I said before, my coping mechanism was so much different than yours because I think you lived my trauma and you improved and you were better.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah,

No, and you're right. I really did try to improve on your experience because I was there for a lot of the crying and the crises and the panic attacks. And I remember as I was like going through that with you being like, when my time comes in two years, I do not want to be like this.

Rafaela 
I am glad I was subject test for this. I think a lot of people that went through this with me who had to go through what you went through this last time, they were all like, yeah, I learned from you as to what not to do in this situation. At least people learned from me. At least that's one positive thing.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah.

Yeah. No, thank you for that, you know.

Rafaela 
You're very welcome. I'm glad my trauma can help other people.

Lucy Herrero 
Absolutely, same with me. All right, so where and how did you receive the news of the work visa A lottery?

Rafaela 
Well, so I love being dramatic. I'm an extremely dramatic person and everything around my life has to be grand. So I decided that I didn't want to deal with it alone and that if I was going to receive the news, it had to be in a retreat. So my retreat was going to Seattle to visit my sister and her then girlfriend in which I could disconnect from the world, go on hikes around the parks in Seattle and try to not think about it.

So I went to Seattle. My sister was going through the same thing. She was on her third year. So we were both going to receive the news together. And I took time off from work. I remember I shoved my phone away. I would check my phone the second I woke up for like an hour. I would read every single Reddit post about people getting their news, which was not healthy, but it is what it is. So yeah, that's what I did. I was in Seattle.

And it was awful because you do not know the day you're gonna get the news. You don't know. You know it's deadline April 1st and you're gonna get news anytime before that, in that week. So as I said before, I became Reddit's number one fan and I was checking Reddit every morning religiously and I kept seeing more and more people were getting news.

And they knew it was coming and they got it and they didn't get it. And I was just there waiting for the good mercy of my lawyers to send me a message. But I decided not to be intense. So I gave them space. I decided not to say anything. And then after my sister got the news that she didn't get it, I sent an email to everyone in my company that I knew could give me an answer.

And then finally came just a randomly generated email saying I didn't get it. And yeah, it was horrible, but at the same time it's like, I waited so long for that email to come. It kind of gave me a bit of cushion to expect that that was going to be the answer.

And I think I didn't even cry when I got it anymore because I was like, yep, well, life's over. It is what it is. Here's where it ends.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah, I feel like you grieved it for so long before that when you actually had the news you were like, okay, cool, finally.

Rafaela
Yeah, was like, thank God I was put out of my misery. That's how I felt. was like, I, it's like, it's like when you're in a relationship and you're expecting for them to hurt you, and it's like a self -fulfilling prophecy and you just act as if they're gonna break your heart. And then when it comes, you're like, yeah, I knew it. I knew it was coming. I saw it coming. It destroyed me. Now I'm okay. It was, it was horrible, but I mean; I think I hurt myself with it so much for months that when the news came I I was ready for this. I tortured myself for months. Self -fulfilling prophecy.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah, no, I get it. I mean, I definitely cried a lot. You were there. So I actually did the same thing as you. I was like, I do not want to be in North Carolina when I get this bomb of a news, right?

Rafaela 
Yes!

Lucy Herrero 
Rafa was living in London and I went over to visit her and we spent the weekend in the Cotswolds, which is this beautiful, cute, rural town up there in London. That was a whole experience. That was pretty fun. Yeah, the whole time I was so nervous because I was like, my God, when are the news going to come? And I think you and I always say this:

If you get the news a little early, like a couple days before March 31st, it's because you definitely got it. Like it's going to be a yes. But if, if you don't hear until April 1st or even later, cause sometimes if you don't get it, if you don't get selected, lawyers don't give a shit. They'll just like notify you when they have a chance. They really don't give a shit.

Rafaela
You really don't, you're not their priority.

Lucy Herrero
So, and on top of it all, it was also, it was also Easter that weekend, so it was like the worst timing ever. Nobody was working.

Rafaela
They know.

My god, it really was. It was the worst.

Lucy Herrero
Yes. So the whole time was like, my god, I haven't gotten the news, I haven't gotten them. And I think the more the days passed, I was kind of like, thinking, okay, I'm not gonna get it, I'm not gonna get it. Went to the Cotswolds. And we came back that Sunday, which was a whole misadventure because we didn't realize that there wouldn't be a bus to take us back to the town where the train that we were taking back to London departed from. So we had to walk two and a half hours in rural England next to the cows and the sheep and the horses and hoping not to be run over by a car. Just to make it, yeah.

Rafaela 
God, yeah, it was awful and I told the story; I told this story to a couple of my friends from work. And one of them was from the town that we went to visit. And he, don't think anyone's been more disappointed of me than he was when I told him this. He was like, I mean, you need a brain to realize that there's gonna be no transportation Easter Sunday. Like, how did you not think of that? No brain, nothing. We just wanted to go on a little...

Lucy Herrero
No brain.

Rafaela
...Good therapy weekend till Sunday, which made sense. Yeah, it was.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah, so it was like a chain of unfortunate events for sure starting that Sunday when we had to walk two and a half hours with all of our backpacks through rural England to get to our train. And then the next day, it was April 1st and I still hadn't gotten any news and it was like 5pm or something and I ended up doing the same thing as you. I emailed the lawyers and they responded back a couple hours later and I remember we were at like the Joe and the Juice, which is like a super famous brand over there for smoothies or whatever. And it was like, sorry, we haven't gotten in any news, which means that you weren't selected. Unfortunately, that means you have to leave the United States. And I just remember my world just like, I felt like I was falling apart, you know, like a hole just opened below me in London. And I was just dying and you were like I'm so sorry.

Rafaela 
Yeah. And I will try my best because as you know, well, I'm not really good at comforting people. And for some reason, you always come to me when you need comfort, even though I am the worst person to give comfort. So we were going to Joe and the Juice and I was just like trying to give you the most awkward hug in the world.

So you're like, it's going to be okay. I promise. It's fine.

Lucy Herrero 
It was just like the weirdest thing to receive like life altering news in the Joe and the Juice. You know, I was I think I just ordered myself like a green smoothie and they were like, here's your celery juice. And all of a sudden it's like, okay, my life is ending.

Rafaela
Yeah, and we weren't just in like a regular Joe the Juice. We were in Covent Garden in the middle of London on Easter Monday. It was full of people. Like it was crowded as hell. It was not a place or time to have a mental breakdown. It really wasn't. But I mean, I think you coped very well. I don't think you cried. I don't think, maybe a little bit, but you really held it in. You held it in pretty well.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It was packed.

No.

I did.

I tried my best. I mean, it's sad, but funny. Like looking back now, like months later, cause we went to a Korean shop after that to get like some skincare stuff and we were both super excited. We had been like looking forward to it all week and suddenly we're there and the lady is like, so what is your skin type? And I was like, what do you mean what is my skin type? I'm getting deported.

Rafaela
I was like, okay Lucy, maybe we shouldn't be here right now. Maybe we should just go eat something and then go home.

Yeah, it was hard. And then after that, God, I'm the worst friend. I really am the worst friend. When we were having pancakes, Lucy was calling everyone and we wanted to go home and I checked my bag and there were no keys. There were no keys. I didn't bring keys.

So, and my roommate was, I think in Bali at the time, so there was absolutely no way she was gonna come back and give me keys. So, yeah, so we had no house for us to go to and watch a movie and order pizza. Yeah, and cry. So I had to call a friend of mine, the only friend that was in London in Easter...

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah. And cry.

Rafaela 
...so that we could go crash at her apartment, which is a studio apartment. And she was kind enough to tell us to come and she was gonna go sleep at her boyfriend's house. And she just gave us her apartment for us to sleep there. We had no clothes, we had no toothbrush, nothing.

Lucy Herrero
I know

Yeah, I was trying so hard not to punch you, but I feel like I was so overwhelmed with all the other feelings that I was just like, of course. Like, not only receiving the news in like a super public place and just like crying my eyes out while I was like trying to eat pancakes, but also like, of course this happens. But it's okay, we can laugh about it now.

Rafaela 
Yeah. Yeah.

Lucy Herrero
So what was life after the news, but before you left the United States?

Rafaela 
Well, I think once I had the news, I was all action. The very next day, I was like, OK, what is happening with my life now? Like, what is it exactly that I'm doing? So as I said before, I was going to move to Canada and I started that process and I was going to go and I already spoke to friends. I had already looked at apartments. I was set to go to Vancouver and I got the news that the visa to Vancouver was going to take around six months and I only had three months until I had to leave the United States, which left me three months of not being able to do anything and having to come back home and wait until whether or not they gave me the visa. So was very, very uncertain and my company wasn't very keen of that being the plan. 

So as my sister was there, coincidently we were talking about what was going to happen with her and her company was going to send her over to Cambridge in England and they were going to start a process and she already knew the process and she knew that the process was short and straightforward which were the two things that I needed at the time. So I knew from before that if I wanted to move to Europe they needed people to stay there permanently. So I knew that if I said yes to moving to the UK then that meant that they were not going to sponsor a visa for me to come back to the US ever again. But I think I was so traumatized with the whole experience that I did not want to go back to the States or try to go back to the States ever again. Ever again. I wanted to leave. I was ready to leave and that's what I wanted to do. So I asked my company if they could send me over to the UK.

And they said yes. So after a couple of interviews with a couple of people in London, it worked out and I was moving there. And funnily enough, I had been obsessed with London since I was easily 8 years old. It is just absolutely hilarious that due to this tragedy, I ended up in my favorite city in the whole entire world. 

I ended up there, which is something I manifested or thought about since I was a tiny little kid and it all worked out.

Lucy Herrero 
That's awesome. one of the things that you told me when I received the news was like, now you have to go in problem solving mode. I think you did that a little better than me, because I think I was just so overwhelmed with all the heartbreak and the grief and just like, knowing that the time that I had left in North Carolina with all the amazing friends, coworkers, people, my boyfriend had a expiration date. It was just a lot for me. Because I lived in the United States two more years than you did. I feel like having those two extra years, especially as like an independent working adult really does make the difference where you were able to make stronger connections, get to know the place better, and all that stuff. It was definitely really hard for me to kind of process that information and be like, okay, we're on a countdown now. Yeah, and just also overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that you have to do to get rid of the life that you've built over all those years, you know, it's like crazy all of the stuff that you accumulate over that time. And not just...

Rafaela 
It's insane. 

Lucy Herrero 
...And not just like belongings, you know, not just like physical things, but think like, okay, what am going to do with my bank account? My investment accounts? Like I had a 401k with my employer. It's still there. I don't know what to do with it. Am I going to sell my things? Am I going to come back maybe for a master's degree? I need to find a subleaser for my apartment.

I have a dog, so like, how am I gonna get the dog to Costa Rica? What does that process look like? I had thought about some of these things in the months before, you know, the lottery decision, because obviously you think about this stuff, it's coming up, but like we talked about earlier, it's so hard to start moving and start taking action when you don't know what your life is gonna look like.

I had done some research, but not a lot. And I was just absolutely overwhelmed with all the things I had to do, all the things I had to say goodbye to, all the decisions I had to make. And then also just trying to keep living life as usual for the next two months. Cause you still have a job and you don't want to get fired earlier cause you're not performing as usual. Like you need that money. I definitely did.

So yeah, it was just like a lot of things to think and process and feel. And, but at the same time, I think I was just really, really trying to live in the present moment. And I think Jordan really helped me with this because we didn't know what we were going to do at the time. And we're just like, okay, one day at a time, you know, just one day at a time. We're going to focus on being present with each other and being present with the people in our lives right now.

And we're just gonna take stuff as it comes. And I think that really helped me enjoy every moment that I had and just take it all in. While I was still there, I remember I would go on walks with my dog around downtown Durham and I would be like, my God, this beautiful sunset. Like, I might not see a sunset like this again in North Carolina. Let me just like sit here and really enjoy this because it's beautiful and that kind of thing. So, so yeah, having that mentality really helped. 

Then I remember my last day of work, I felt so grateful because everybody was just like so nice. They had a whole thing prepared for me. They had a whole banner that was like, we're gonna miss you. And they had all these presents and they had like a little book signed by a lot of people in the company with all this beautiful quotes about growth and life. And then we got drinks after work and maybe I think like a third of the company showed up to say goodbye and I just felt so validated, you know, that I had in my time here, even though it was ending, like I had actually made an impact in people's lives, not only as a coworker, but just like a human being, you know, and just like appreciating all of them and appreciating that last bit of time that we had together.

That was very meaningful.

Thursday was the last day of work for me. And then it was like, Friday, so it felt like I had just taken the day off. So I hadn't really like, processed that I was unemployed. And then it was Monday, but it was a holiday. So nobody was working. So I felt like I was on a holiday too. And then the Tuesday came.

And life went on as usual, but not for me. And I was already starting to do all the packing, you know, I had a bunch of things on my to -do list. I had to get ready and, I remember just having so much anxiety that day. And I went to watch Jordan play soccer and I was like on the verge of a panic attack. And then I was driving back home and I just started crying and crying and crying. Cause finally I feel I understood that I didn't have a job anymore. Like I said, maybe it wasn't the job I wanted to have forever, but it was my job. And it felt really awful. It felt like my world was finally like crashing down. Reality was kind of like hitting me in the face. This is happening, you know, it's happening faster than you can process it. And I pulled over at a parking lot and I was just crying and crying and crying and Jordan came over and I just had so much grief about my job and I was telling him like, you know, it was mine. Like that promotion was mine, that job was mine. I worked so hard to have it to build the whole life that I've built in this country and it just sucks. It's not fair that it's ending because of something at no fault of my own, you know? 

And I remember telling him like, I understand, like I know it deep in my heart that one day after this is all over, I'm back in Costa Rica, maybe it'll take days or weeks or months or even years, but one day I'm gonna look back and it's all gonna make sense. But right now it just feels like my world is ending. Like that's literally the feeling, my world is ending, there's nothing I can do about it. So yeah, it was like a super overwhelming time.

And I think that's just how a lot of these transitions feel. When we are in our 20s, we're adults or like, I like to say baby adults, because we're just starting to understand what adulthood is like. Yeah, sometimes, especially when we have no control over the situation and we're so used to being in this path of like, okay, school and college and I have control over all these things. I can have control over where I want to go, what my classes are, what my friends are, all that kind of stuff and all of a sudden you're thrown into the real world. So many things you don't have any control over and yeah, these transitions can hit super hard.

Rafaela
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I don't think I gave myself a single day to grieve and cry after I heard the news. I went straight into action mode, straight into when I'm moving, where I'm moving, the application for the visa to the UK. And it was very funny because at the time I was supposed to start the 11th of July.

So I had to fly out with the least amount of things possible. So I only gave myself two bags. So I had to take five years worth of stuff and a whole furnished apartment and put it into two bags. And that was it.

So I finished work on a Monday, which contrary to Lucy's case, I didn't go to the office. I was like, there's absolutely no way I'm going to go see people. No way. Nope. Zero.

Not for me. And I don't know why they just got me out of my account in the middle of the day. So I was supposed to have a productive day from the goodbye email, you know, like do the normal and come 11 a .m. I had no access to anything. Zero. It was all gone. So I was like, well, I guess, I guess that's it. 

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah.

That sucks.

Rafaela 
So I just had like dinner with a couple of my friends who were from the office that afternoon and I was supposed to get started with my packing. I didn't. And my mom arrived three days later to tell me, we have six days to get rid of your stuff, to put everything in two bags and drive to New York City because I was going to pick up my passport whenever it was ready in New York City.

And then by last minute, one way plane ticket to London, which I didn't have. Everything was very much last minute. I arrived in New York at the end of end of June, more or less. And I didn't know when I was going to travel to London. I didn't know I had no plane ticket and my mom was coming with me. Neither of us had a plane ticket. We were just there waiting for my passport to arrive.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah, so many moving parts.

Rafaela 
And it arrived two days later and I bought a plane ticket that day and I left two days later.

Lucy Herrero
It's really hard to, like you were saying, I had all these things that accumulated and all of a sudden I only had two bags and I had to fit as much as I could to those two bags. Like I was in a similar situation because I had originally thought of putting all my stuff in a storage unit because I had in my mind that I was going to do a masters, you know.

I was like, definitely I'm going come back to the States to do a masters and I'll be back in a year. It's all going to be great. You know, and, and I got the storage unit. Like I actually started putting stuff in there trying to problem solve my life. And then I was like, Lucy, what are you doing? Like, are you even sure you want to come back here? Are you even like, nothing guarantees you that, you know, it's not 100 % certain. So why are you leaving a bunch of shit in the storage unit?

What are you doing? And I was like, I got to sell my stuff. I can't, I can't make this decision right now, you know? And it's hard to sell your things because it's like, you've spent money that you worked really hard for to buy yourself these things. And even though they're just things, you know, things come and go and it's fine. And they're just material things, but, but you kind of get attached to them. Yeah. You kind of get attached to them.

Rafaela 
Yeah.

But you get attached to them. You do, yeah.

Lucy Herrero 
Like I almost cried when I had to give away my plants, even though I was giving them away to my good friends. I was like, I named them. I was like, Roberta, no, I'm going to miss you Roberta. Yeah, it's horrible.

Rafaela
It is tragic. I had to get rid of my mattress. I loved that mattress. I handpicked that mattress and I loved it. And there was nowhere that I could donate it. There was no one who wanted it. And we had to throw it out. We put it outside so that someone could take it.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah. All right. So you ended up in London, that worked out. So how did life turn up for you after you made that move?

Rafaela 
Yeah.

God, at first it was hard because I didn't give myself any time to be sad or grieve while I was in North Carolina. So obviously all those emotions got translated to when I arrived in London. So I remember my mom left and I had about two weeks where I was living in this apartment and then some friends were coming to visit me for my birthday at the end of July. And those two weeks I remember I had absolutely no friends.

I knew no one other than the people from my work. And I think my only friend was one of my coworkers who I kind of spoke to before and he became like my friend right away. He was my only friend for at least a month because I knew no one in London. I didn't know how to connect to people. I didn't know if I was capable of just getting to know new people in such a large city.

So I, yeah, and then I had my sister who I went to visit a couple of times. So all the grief that I couldn't really put out and process before moving all came out during the summer when I first moved to London. So it was really hard. The first couple of months were hard, no friends. I didn't really have a settled apartment yet. I was living on my own. But then it all got brighter. I had amazing people at my work.

Incredible people like they to this day I'd say they are some of my closest friends. I've been on holidays with them like they became so close to me and they were such great support. Then I got to meet a lot of other people from back home from Ecuador who were studying there or working there so I little by little started building my own community and I was doing well at my job. I made a lot of friends.

London became my favorite city in the world and it really is. I love that place with my life. So it was amazing. I mean, it really was like, it was so good. I mean, everything happens for a reason. It all really does. And I don't think I would have ever, ever really taken the leap of moving to London had it not been for the deportation. So yeah, London was great.

I thought I was going to be there forever. I thought that was going to be the rest of my life, that job, that company, that city. And well, and life goes on and life happens. And then with an unexpected turn of events, I decided to quit my job, take time off. And now I'm off to a master's degree in September. When right after I got the life that I thought I, that was my dream life, I got my dream life. And then I realized I wasn't happy in it and I left.

Lucy Herrero 
That's awesome.

Rafaela
And I'm here, but honestly, I wouldn't change it for anything.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah. And it's crazy because I think as you were going through your own crises with the whole lottery situation, you could have never expected that you would, you were going to live in London after that. You know, like it wasn't even on the table, but all of a sudden you were having this amazing, amazing life. I mean, I visited you a couple of times while you were living in London and I was just like in awe of how at home you felt in the city, all the amazing people that became your friends, and yeah, just in general, the life that you created for yourself and how happy you were when, you know, a year or months before, you could have never, ever thought that that was gonna be the case.

Rafaela 
Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, London became home to me and it still feels like that. London is my home. I don't think I felt at home in a city anywhere else like I did there. Honestly, I wish that for everyone to find a place where you feel at home. And that was London for me. And I am so grateful that I ended up there. So, so grateful. My time there was amazing.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah, that's, that's really awesome. it really does give me faith that things are going to work out because I mean, the way that I choose to think about it is like, if I was meant to keep being in North Carolina and keep working in the industry and in the job that I had, I would have gotten that lottery.

You know, I would still be there. Even though it was so hard to go through that experience, it was just kind of like confirmation from God or the universe or like whatever you want to call it that I need to move on to the next chapter and need to move on to other things and what those things are, like I don't really know what they are right now. But yeah, I think it's been like a whole exercise of being like yes, it's not fair. Yes, it sucks. Like I do not deserve the situation and it's gonna hurt but rejections are redirections and it will all make sense one day. And I think I was very caught up in the idea of like, my god, they're taking my home away from me. They're taking this life away from me. And this whole experience of like leaving the United States and being in Costa Rica now has been like no, I am my own home. You know, even if it doesn't look like it did a couple months ago, like I am my own home. I can build the life that I had all over again whenever I want to. And it's okay. I am glad for all the pain that I experienced because it means that I lived those things. It means that I met the amazing people and had the amazing memories and I'm just blessed that I have those things and if I feel pain because of that, then that's fine. They're just gonna be part of my life forever.

Rafaela
Yeah, I agree. I think like looking back for all that experience, there are a bazillion things that I would change about how I reacted to it. But if I hadn't gone through that, I would not know how to cope with those types of situations now. I wouldn't know how to deal with uncertainty. I wouldn't know how to have a five -year plan. I wouldn't know so many things if I hadn't gone through that. And I think it was a very rough lesson on letting go. Letting go of places, letting go of people, knowing that like whatever comes after, it is on you to make the best of it and to grow a life that you want. Yeah, like again, obviously sometimes you look back to the ways you react towards situations, towards people, and you might find a lot of regrets and you might almost blame yourself for reading a lot of things, which I did for a while. I think forgiving yourself for the way you acted in the past is very important and giving yourself the grace of, I did what I could with the information I had. Maybe I wouldn't act that way now. I 100 % would not act the same way now if this was happening again. But if I wouldn't have had that experience, I would not be where I am today. And not just in the sense of I wouldn't have been in London, but I mentally would not be where I am today if I had not gone through that experience. So, yeah, to anyone who's going through that or went through it or is in the process of thinking of maybe that's what's gonna happen, like the way you deal with it is gonna teach you so much about yourself and about life. And yeah, hopefully you'll take it with grace.

Lucy Herrero
Absolutely.

Yeah, I agree. I think that's really great wisdom. We should all listen to you.

Rafaela
Thank you, appreciate it

Lucy Herrero 
Alright, thank you so much for this conversation, Rafa. I think it was amazing. And before we leave, I want to share with everybody that we have some amazing news. We're actually headed to Vietnam beginning of August, the both of us. We are traveling for a whole month, so pray for us because we might just kill each other, but it's gonna be great.

Rafaela 
Yep. Yep.

Lucy Herrero 
Yeah, so we're hoping to capture our trip over here.

Rafa will be part of the podcast a couple more times, no doubt. So yeah, stay tuned and hopefully we'll have some exciting adventures to share with you guys.

Rafaela 
Yep, hopefully, hopefully nothing too dramatic.

Lucy Herrero 
We'll see.

Rafaela 
It could be annoying myself, but yeah, this is a great first time in the podcast and hopefully we'll find new topics and subjects to discuss soon.

Lucy Herrero
Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for being here.

Rafaela (49:18)
Yep, thank you for having me